A New Way Home From Service, Trauma, and Survival Mode

Most of the people I work with have been told some version of the same lie: "You're broken."

Broken because you're angry. Broken because you can't relax. Broken because intimacy feels complicated, sleep is a war, and you don't know who you are without a mission, a uniform, a relationship, a life filled with chaos, or responding to a crisis.

I don't buy it.

People aren't broken. Their nervous systems did exactly what they had to do to survive in impossible situations, and then they never got the memo that the war, the shift, or the relationship is over.

Service, trauma, relationships, and high-stakes responsibility don't just create "symptoms." They quietly rewrite your answers to five fundamental questions from the Freeman Developmental Cone©:

• Is the world okay?

• Am I okay?

• What can I do?

• How well can I do it?

• Who am I?

  
  

Boot camps, academies, dysfunctional families, abusive relationships, toxic workplaces, traumatic experiences; these systems answer those questions with fear, shame, and conditional worth. Over time, it shapes how you live in your body and show up in relationships long after the uniform comes off, the badge is turned, the relationship ends, or the traumatic experience fades into the distance.

Condition Red Coaching exists to help you reclaim and rewrite those answers.

From Permanent Condition Red to Grounded Self-Leadership

The aim of this work is straightforward, but not easy: shift from chronic "condition red", hypervigilance, performance-or-die thinking, identity fused to a role, and into a grounded, flexible, self-led life where you can rest, feel, connect, and still be powerful.

To do that, we work hard to rebuild five key pillars that mirror those core questions.

Safety

Your body has to know, not just think, that some people and places truly are safe now. Until your nervous system learns how to experience safety, every conversation, event, or touch feels like a potential ambush. We start there.

Worth

You are not your rank, your body count, your salary, your productivity, how much you can do or how well you can do it, or your ability to tolerate pain and suffering. We untangle who you are from what you do or what happened to you. We build a sense of worth that doesn't disappear when you're off the clock or out of the relationship.

Initiative

When you've lived under orders or in constant crisis, you forget how to want things for yourself. We practice taking initiative again, not from obligation or people-pleasing, but from desire, preference, and authentic personal choice.

Competence

Competence in old systems meant perfection, self-erasure, never showing weakness, or maybe only being good at what you're allowed to be good at. In this work, competence becomes something healthier: the ability to learn, adapt, repair, and act in alignment with your values, even when you're scared.

Identity

At some point, every uniform, title, or role comes off. Everything will change. Every relationship evolves or ends. Identity work is about expanding your sense of self beyond the patch, the role, or the relationship into a whole human being: partner, parent, friend, creator, citizen, not just a title.

How I Work

My approach is trauma-informed, attachment-focused, and developmentally aware, with a big emphasis on practicality and zero interest in bullshit.

Body first, then story

We start with your nervous system. Breath, movement, co-regulation, learning physical and emotional safety, and predictable practices come before deep analysis. Calm has to be lived in your body before your mind stops expecting impact.

Attachment as the frame, not a label

Hypervigilance, shutdown, people-pleasing, emotional distance, explosive anger: these aren't random flaws. They're attachment strategies that kept you alive, loved, or included. I'm not judging them. I'm helping you update them. I show up consistently, honestly, and without punishment or judgement, so you can finally experience being seen and told the truth without being shamed or abandoned for it.

A developmental roadmap, not a grab bag of tools

Rather than chasing symptoms, we look at which of the five core questions is stuck. Is your system convinced the world is unsafe? That you're not okay? That you can't do anything right? That you only matter if you're perfect? We address those layers in order, instead of throwing random ideas or practices at your pain and hoping that they stick.

Values, strengths, and meaning at the center

You are not a diagnosis or a file number. We anchor our work in your personal values, your genuine strengths, and the kind of life that would feel meaningful to you. The goal isn't to make you "normal." The goal is to help you become more you. Specifically in a way that's sustainable for your body, your relationships, and your future.

Real-life reps over theory

Insight is great. But your life changes when you do something different. Every session points toward small, doable experiments: a new way of having a hard conversation, one honest boundary, a specific body practice before a known trigger, a different way to measure "success" for the week.

Progress isn't how good you sound in our sessions. Progress is how you show up when it counts: at home, at work, with yourself.

Fierce care, clean boundaries

I will tell you the truth, kindly and directly. I'm not here to exploit your pain for marketing efforts, coddle you into staying small, or play savior. I'm here to walk beside you, name what's actually happening, and help you reclaim your life with as much honesty, courage, and compassion as possible.

Who This Work Is For

This philosophy grew out of years of work with veterans, first responders, and other high-responsibility humans whose nervous systems were trained to live in crisis, and out of the realities of the partners and families who love them.

It also applies to anyone whose sense of safety, worth, and identity has been warped by systems like military, law enforcement, fire/EMS, medicine, religious institutions, or high-pressure corporate environments. By relationships marked by infidelity, betrayal, emotional neglect, abuse, or long-term instability. By trauma and chronic stress, events and environments that taught your body the world is not safe and you are not enough.

If your life has been shaped by service, relationships, or trauma, and you're ready to come home to yourself without losing your edge, this is the work.

You're not broken.

You're built for a world that demanded everything from you and gave you no roadmap home.

Condition Red Coaching is about building that roadmap and walking it together until you can carry it on your own.